Why couldn’t you see me?

Photo by Cameron Readius on Pexels.com

Why couldn’t you see me

For who I was?

For who I was trying to be?

For the me I was offering

The me that was yours

The me who stood before you

Naked

Bare

Utterly vulnerable

Hoping to be held

And shown safety

Shown care

Accepted

Warts and all

Mistakes and all.

Why couldn’t you see me

When my world stood still

When the earth

Rotation stopped

And the life

Of every being

Paused

And held its breath

For you to take

Just a single step my way

To turn your beautiful face

And see me

Acknowledge my existence

As my tentative

Shaking hands

Were held out

Waiting for your touch.

The touch

A touch

That didn’t come.

The world

Began to spin again

The breath of all released

Yet my soul remained frozen

Shocked

In despair

Screaming

In the echoing vacuum

In my chest

Why can’t you see me?

Why won’t you see me?

Why are you turning away?

And so

The world

My world

Shrank

Colour drained

Volume reduced

And I was left

Standing

Alone

Confused

Questioning all

Foundations collapsed

Amidst the rubble of what was

Still at a loss

Asking myself

Why couldn’t you see me?

Why wasn’t I enough

In that moment

The moment of all moments

Why did I not pass the test?

What more could I have done?

How could I have been more open?

More worthy?

More enough?

Why?

Why didn’t you see me?

For now I am too diminished

Too small

Too insignificant

In the world

To be seen

Too late

To be seen

Valueless

Undefined

Not now

Wanting to be seen by anyone

And therein

Lies safety

If I can’t be seen

I can’t be spurned

Can’t be unseen.

Why wouldn’t you see me?

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